I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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