Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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