So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
