i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
