Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
