I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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