ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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