I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
