oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
