I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
