shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Cover your peen. We're going out.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
