Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
