Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
