I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
