I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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