she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
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This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
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If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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