Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
how does that bad decision feel?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
