zippers are such a cool invention
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
