also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You may now shotgun with the bride
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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