and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
