i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
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I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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