i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
