also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
