I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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