Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
