Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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