It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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