Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
