I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
