you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
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She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
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Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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