dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
