I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
