She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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