Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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