My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
