I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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