I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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