highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW