People in love make me want to vomit
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.