Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
