I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
