Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
