It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
