Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
