theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
