You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She said her name was "party"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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