he shaved USA in his pubs
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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