I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
