Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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