Soap is not a condiment
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
