I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
