I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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