Plan B is the new Plan A
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
