My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
