Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
