so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
