I think im going to throw up on grandma
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
