i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
