I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
