I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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