its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
