I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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