I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
