Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize