My room smells like vodka and shame
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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