Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
