omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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