just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize