Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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