I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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